"For thirty-seven years," reads the opening passage in the book, "the gatherings and conventions of our IBM workers have expressed in happy songs the fine spirit of loyal cooperation and good fellowship which has promoted the signal success of our great IBM Corporation in its truly International Service for the betterment of business and benefit to mankind."
That’s a hell of a mouthful, but it’s only the opening volley in the war on self-respect and decency that is the 1937 edition of Songs of the IBM, a booklet of corporate ditties first published in 1927 on the order of IBM company founder Thomas Watson, Sr.
The 1937 edition of the songbook is a 54-page monument to glassey-eyed corporate inhumanity, with every page overflowing with trite praise to The Company and Its Men. The booklet reads like a terribly parody of a hymnal—one that praises not the traditional Christian trinity but the new corporate triumvirate of IBM the father, Watson the son, and American entrepreneurship as the holy spirit:
Thomas Watson is our inspiration,
Head and soul of our splendid I.B.M.
We are pledged to him in every nation,
Our President and most beloved man.
His wisdom has guided each division
In service to all humanity
We have grown and broadened with his vision,
None can match him or our great company.
T. J. Watson, we all honor you,
You're so big and so square and so true,
We will follow and serve with you forever,
All the world must know what I. B. M. can do.
—from "To Thos. J. Watson, President, I.B.M. Our Inspiration"
The wording transcends sense and sanity—these aren’t songs that normal human beings would choose to line up and sing, are they? Have people changed so much in the last 70-80 years that these songs—which seem expressly designed to debase their singers and deify their subjects—would be joyfully sung in harmony without complaint at company meetings? Were workers in the 1920s and 1930s so dehumanized by the rampaging robber barons of high industry that the only way to keep a desirable corporate job at a place like IBM was to toe the line and sing for your paycheck?
We don't pretend we're gay.
We always feel that way,
Because we're filling the world with sunshine.
With I.B.M. machines,
We've got the finest means,
For brightly painting the clouds with sunshine.
—from "Painting the Clouds with Sunshine"
Surely no one would stand for this kind of thing in the modern world—to us, company songs seem like relics of a less-enlightened age. If anything, the mindless overflowing trite words sound like the kind of praises one would find directed at a cult of personality dictator in a decaying wreck of a country like North Korea.
Indeed, some of the songs in the book wouldn’t be out of place venerating the Juche ideal instead of IBM:
Marching Along Together;
Pushing on through thick and thin.
Marching Along Together;
Determination's bound to win.
We will exert more effort;
We will apply more thought.
Throughout the year we'll prove to all what really can be done;
We'll work together all of us—we've got the battle won
—from "I.B.M. Hundred Percent Club Rally Song"
There are songs discussing the virtues of various IBM corporate officers and division and songs praising the sales organization and its mad unending drive to sell sell SELL ("If they use machines in Mars / We will sell them some of ours!") There’s even a song dedicated to IBM’s "office girls," who, the lyrics assure us, are "always in style," in no small part because of how "sweetly they smile."
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